The Stable Rules
1. I am human. You are horse. What I say goes. Please take that into consideration when you are standing on my foot.
2. Spilled food is not 'fair game,' especially when it is spilled in another horses stable. It still belongs to that particular horse. You have no reason to go in and eat it.
3. Poop does not need to be hidden. I clean your stable every day. I will find it. Do not hide it.
4. I do not need your help when I clean the yard, nor do I need your supervision, or even your presence. I have been cleaning the yard and stables ever since you lived here. I know what I am doing. Standing at the door staring at me, will not make me clean faster.
5. There is no need to go into the feed room and help yourself to the feed. Meals are given at specific times of the day. There is a feed schedule. You know the schedule. I know you know the schedule. You know that I know that you know the schedule. There is no need to help yourself.
6. Water buckets are not toys. Neither is the gate, pitchfork, wheel barrow, whatever is in the wheel barrow, fence! , or the occasional dog.
7. The wheel barrow is there for a reason. Please do not try to move it while I am cleaning your stable.
8. Just because I go into the yard doesn't mean you automatically get food. There is other stuff in the yard. Stuff you don't want. Like wormer and fly spray.
9. Water travels through the hose. If you are thirsty, do not stand on the hose. The water buckets will fill much faster.
10. Not everything has to be high drama. None of the following things will kill you: fly spray, plastic bags, balloons, hoses, chipmunks and other small rodents, or bright blue tarps.
11. Although I understand the need for you to go to the bathroom, it is not necessary to hold it in all day until the moment I finish cleaning your stable and put away the wheel barrow.
12. Accidents happen. However, I'm not altogether sure you're not trying to kill yourself. Next time you decide to impale yourself on some sort of object, please try to do it when it's not hailing, midnight, the weekend, or Christmas.
13. While I appreciate! your need to be clean, pooping in your water bucket does not make my job easier, and it deprives you of water. Please find a new spot.
15. Whinnying as loudly as you can in my face does not make me feed you any faster.

 

 

 

Fly mask Update

 

Another way to recycle

 

Should have been lace though!

Don't throw those old ones away anymore!
 

 

FOR SALE OR LEASE.......BULLWINKLE

Click here to view advertisement

 

And thanks to David Rowe, we have

The Sheath Cleaning Song

Sing it to the tune of "Hello Mother, Hello Father" from camp song

How's it hangin'?
So much cleaner.
Aren't you glad I
washed your wiener?

I'll admit it's
kinda creepy
that I had to stick my hand up in your pee-pee.

It was sticky.
It was gunky.
It felt icky.
It smelled funky.

It was cruddy,
it was crusty--
when you stuck it out, it creaked like it was rusty.

After half an
hour of toilin'
and of squirtin'
baby oil in,
you're as fresh there
as a daisy.

Either this means I love you or else I'm crazy!!!

 

"Animal People" ...a few foibles

When encountering an animal hair in their food simply pick it out and keep right on eating

Try to only invite other animal people to dinner.

Do not wear lip gloss in during shedding season.

Put the dog towels in the same wash load as people towels.

Wash dog stuff first, then the husband's underwear......

:-)..then OUR underwear

Have wire furniture in almost every room.

Can bore an non-animal person rigid in 5 minutes.

Are fascinated with bodily elimination, timing, consistency, shape, color....it's kind of sick...oh and if you've ever had a colicked horse..well...then it becomes a veritable obsession.  You hunt down shit.

Sit on fur upholstered furniture..... and it didn't come that way.

Hangs cutesy signs and notices advising all that we have animals and it is their home not yours.

Have framed pictures of animals on the piano, mantles etc....right next to the kid grad pics.

Do not own a calendar that does not have animals in it.  Mostly from vets and relatives buying you that kind of gift.

Get Petsmart and Petco gift cards for Christmas and birthdays.

Cannot walk by a dog without petting it or wanting to.

Have doggie birthday parties.

Have toy littered living areas....and no kids.

Are the only people who love getting doggie kisses from a tongue that has been in some questionable places.

 

"People Who Have Animals"

When encountering an animal hair in their food will develop instant anorexia.

Do not allow the dog anywhere near the kitchen.

Wear lip gloss during shedding season because they rarely bend down to touch the dog.

Do not own "dog" towels

Will not let the kids sit on the dog bed or play with the dog toy.

Can infuriate an animal person in 5 minutes or less.

Do not allow animals on the furniture.

Have clean cars - inside.

Wash their hands after touching the dog.

Put the dog outside when company comes so they are not bothered.

Never have to wipe feet in double or triple digit numbers.

Will not let a dog kiss them...EEwwwww

Say things like..... "It's just a dog".................